Road rage

[ladyofastolat]

What is it with today? Why does every living thing on this island feel the need to blunder in front of my car? Has my car been hit with an invisibility ray? Has some joker pinned a notice to my car reading, "Free cakes!" or "Bet you can't tag ME!" I was only driving to a small school about ten minutes into the country, and then back through town. As my route took me past a supermarket, I made a very quick trip into it to buy weekend cider. (See Appendix A for cider-related rant.) In that time, the following things blundered in front of me:
- Four bunnies
- Three old ladies meandering with shopping trolleys
- Two pheasants
- One red squirrel
- One baby in a buggy, pushed out by unheeding mother
- One taxi that decided to change lane on a roundabout into the exact place where I was, but he indicated after he'd forced me to do an emergency stop, so that's okay, then.

Luckily, I missed all of them, but the repeated emergency stops now mean that all the Morris sticks and storytelling books in the car are now gathered, snowdrift-like, at the front of the car, and I'm very glad the cider isn't due to be opened until tomorrow, or we'd be looking at a redecorated kitchen. The red squirrel was particularly alarming, since anyone who squashes a red squirrel has to report it to the authorities, and risk being vilified, and hounded off the island.

Appendix A: Said supermarket trip being necessary because our home-made wine has run out, and the local shops don't do any decent cider. I think CAMRA needs to adopt cider, too. Most small shops seem to have a selection of real ales, but their cider is dire.

Comments

[lil-shepherd.livejournal.com]

I did hit a pheasant not so long ago. They are particularly suicidal - rather like the pedestrians in Barkingside High Street...

When I was learning to drive (which I did when I was in my forties), my instructor told me with glee that he, "Liked teaching [me] because [I] understood the points system from Death Race 2000 - none of these kids do." Hence the comments he used to make, like, "Hey, you just missed that woman on the zebra. Let's go round again and see if we can pick up the points this time..."

[ladyofastolat.livejournal.com]

I learnt to drive (in my late twenties) just after I'd started playing X-Wing on my computer. I kept finding myself thinking, "Hey! Where are my laser cannons?" and getting itchy fingers, wanting to blow up that slow van that was blocking the road ahead of me. Unfortunately, my driving instructor was one of those people who is completely and utterly lacking in humour, so I never dared admit this to him.

[lil-shepherd.livejournal.com]

I do remember packed into an old Escort (called Barry, for some reason) with three good friends coming back from seeing The Empire Strikes Back on its first release, and shooting down every car in sight out of the windows. I wish I could say, "We were very young," but we were in our middle-twenties to early-thirties.

[greenwoodside.livejournal.com]

Animals can be incredibly silly. Not quite as bad as mothers with buggies - they're worse than teh lemmings in the computer game, honestly - but still far too apt to ignore a five minute break in the traffic only to run out across the road with a whisker separating them from a messy death.

[ladyofastolat.livejournal.com]

Maybe they do it deliberately. Maybe it's the latest fashionable extreme sport with teenage bunny-boys.

[bunn.livejournal.com]

Just think, if you had hit the bunnies and the pheasants, you would have the ingredients for a large quantity of excellent stew...

You could probably hide the squirrel in there too and no-one would know. I'm guessing the baby, the old ladies and the taxi-driver might be missed though.

And the old ladies would probably be a bit tough, even if you stewed them...

[chainmailmaiden]

And the old ladies would probably be a bit tough, even if you stewed them...

Not if you marinaded them well first, tamarind paste is particularly good for tenderising even the toughest meats :-)

[ladyofastolat.livejournal.com]

I have some very alarming friends... ;-)

[ladyofastolat.livejournal.com]

If I'd hit them, I'd have cried. Sorry!

I'll leave it to you and Chainmailmaiden to make the Roadkill Stew at the Game of Thrones weekend.

[chainmailmaiden]

Pheasant and bunny would be in keeping with the sort of things they eat in the ASOIAF books. I was planning to make Lemon Cakes rather than Roadkill Stew though...

[sigisgrim.livejournal.com]

The only problem with the bunnies and pheasants is that one is not allowed to pick them up if you hit them. Somebody following you can, though.

The problem with the old ladies would be the amount of containers to hold all the meat (and sinues, etc.). You might need to invest in a new freezer to keep it all as well.

[king-pellinor.livejournal.com]

Is one allowed to drive round the block and go "Oh, some freshly killed meat! What a surprise!"?

[chainmailmaiden]

The only problem with the bunnies and pheasants is that one is not allowed to pick them up if you hit them. Somebody following you can, though.

Out of interest do you know if that applies to frogs too? There was a road near Ambleside called Bog Lane that was teeming with frogs during the summer, it was horrible driving along there as you just couldn't avoid them. (Not that there was ever a lot of the frog left that you could have cooked, once they'd been squished by the car...)

[sigisgrim.livejournal.com]

I hit a rabbit once. It headed off one way, I tried to go round it the other way, then it changed direction right in front of my car and *bang* dead bunnie. I went back and checked, it was very dead. I ended up picking it up by the ears and throwing it into the hedge rather than leaving it in the middle of the road. I felt very guilty for a long while afterwards.

[sigisgrim.livejournal.com]

I had some similar fun on Tuesday.

On the way to work I was in the left hand lane queuing towards a roundabout. The left lane splits into two just before it both to turn left, the right hand lane does the same but one straight on and other turn right. I wanted to get into the right most of the turn left lanes so I could get into the right hand lane of the dual carriageway I was going to be turning left onto. The problem is that a large number of car drivers in the right hand lane also want to turn left and push into that right most turn left lane to do so. That was what happened, becuase I was slightly in front of the car in the right lane (who wasn't indicating) and had space to move before he did I ended up in front of him. He wasn't happy. *horn* *horn* *oscilating motion of lose fist* I ignore him and carry on. A moment later he is racing towards me at high speed in the lane I'm in, just as the traffic starts to slow up, so have to I brake, he has to do an emergency stop, the guy who had changed lanes just after he went past had to take advoiding action. He then goes past me on the inside, the left lane having speeded up compared to the right. More gesticulation. I ignored him. Just after a set of traffic lights there is a large layby. He pulled into it and gestered me to pull over too. I ignored him again.

Then when we were going to the cinema in the evening on the same roundabout an artic tries pulling out in front of us when we're going round the roundabout. I have no time to stop or space to pull over. Luckily there is just enough space for me to squeeze between his front bumper and the car to my right; if there hadn't been I would have hit one or the other. Me: *horn* Lorry: lots of lights. Then after he does pull out there are lots more lights. We then have to stop at the traffic lights further up. The lorry stops just inches off my rear bumper.

When we come off the motorway, I get in the correct lane to go round the two roundabouts, various vans and stuff try to push in, change lane at the last moment, cut me (and other people up). It's just far worse than usual.

*is bemused* It just seems to go like that some times.

[ladyofastolat.livejournal.com]

Maybe all the susequent drivers were friends and allies of the first one, and he'd got on his mobile and arranged for them all to lie in wait for you in order to be annoying. ;-)

I don't think I can assume the same about the bunnies, squirrels, pheasants, etc., unless woodland animals have a secret double life that we know nothing about.

[sigisgrim.livejournal.com]

It happened again this morning when I was driving up the motorway to work. There was a car in the middle lane which was only just faster than the lorries with a clio close behind it. I passed the lorry behind them, pulled in to let a car that wanted to break the spead limit pass me and then pulled back out to pass the two cars.

As I was going past the clio it started to pull out into my lane and then suddenly corrected. My instinctinve reaction was to hit the horn. I passed the cars, pulled in and continued to my junction. As I queued at the traffic lights to go onto the junction the clio pulled up behind me and I got a very embarised wave from the driver.

Luckily no harm done, but it could have been nasty.

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

I think CAMRA needs to adopt cider, too.

http://www.camra.co.uk/page.aspx?o=cider

Cider

[themis1.livejournal.com]

I think CAMRA needs to adopt cider, too.

... because then every type of alcohol not drunk by MPs and therefore subject to extra tax would have a single champion? (Me, old and cynical? Never!)

PS - have just friended you, I come to you via Lil_Shepherd, who has known me for years. I don't post much, but would definitely have responded to your opening about the influences of internet fandom, had I come to it earlier!! Oh, and I work in Kidlington :-)

Re: Cider

[ladyofastolat.livejournal.com]

Hello! *Friends back*

What sort of drink do MPs drink, I wonder... Probably expensive and fashionable types of wine, and port, whisky and brandy. Though I can imagine Tony Blair and his cronies making a point of being photographer drinking beer and being "just like normal people."

Re: Cider

[chainmailmaiden]

I suspect you are right about the expensive and fashionable tastes. I do know that John Major counts himself as part of the ABC club, which is 'anything but chardonnay'. It is as fashionable now to think chardonnay is ubiquitous and overexposed, as it was to be seen drinking it a few years ago. I too count myself as an ABC, but I have the excuse I've never liked it except, as very expensive chablis or when blended in Champagne.

Re: Cider

[themis1.livejournal.com]

Tony Blair ... normal ... same sentence ... can't cope ...

[natika.livejournal.com]

I am reminded of my grandmother, whose sole instruction to me upon learning to drive was "If you see a pheasant, speed up!"

And I always thought CAMRA did do cider. And perry. I still don't like even the good stuff, sadly.

*friends you*

[ladyofastolat.livejournal.com]

Hello! *friends back*

Apparently CAMRA do support cider, which they consider is in the parlous condition that real ale was 30 years ago. I never used to like it, since I don't like fizzy drinks (I must have been about the only child in existence who hates coke), but I give it a good whisk with my finger, and that makes it flat enough for me to drink. It gets me some funny looks in pubs, though...

[natika.livejournal.com]

I'm not a fan of fizzy drinks either. That's probably got a lot to do with it!