Ode to self-styled poets

[ladyofastolat]

Dear self-styled poet, muse-inspired,
Your verses leave me rather tired.
The slightest drama stirs your pen;
You scribble down your verse, and then
You send it to the local press,
Where, you hope, it will impress,
The common reader there at home,
Too muse-impaired to write a pome.



A verse, you think, must always rhyme,
And so you rhyme them, every time,
But certain things have slipped your mind:
To scansion you are always blind.
Can't you hear it? Can't you see?
De dum de dum de dum de dee:
The words have rhythm - can't you hear?
So make your poem scan, my dear.

"The snow is falling on the ground,
And happy children all around,
Are making snowmen from the snow,
Until their feet and fingers glow,
And everything is very nice:
A simple joy, without a price."
Not the most accomplished verse,
But it scans. It could be worse:

"The snow is falling from the sky and landing on the ground,
And children (except those whose schools didn't close) all around
Make snowmen with carrots for noses
And everyone has chilly fingers and toeses
And as I watched it I thought it was very nice,
That the youth of today were getting pleasure not from expensive things but from something that was free, without a price."
Yes, it rhymes, but that's as far as it goes. It's worse than McGonagall,
With lines that rhyme, but scansion that's horrible.

The worst thing, though, the very worst,
Is people who are paid to verse,
And publish children's books that rhyme,
In metre that is not sublime,
So when you're reading it aloud
To little children in a crowd,
Your tongue trips up, the rhythm fails,
And children fidget, yawn and wail.

So self-styled poets, harken well:
You've got the rhymes – now scan as well!

Comments

[steepholm.livejournal.com]

Now hold on lady, don't be rash -
Might your poet not have been imitating the style of Ogden Nash?

[ladyofastolat.livejournal.com]

I fear that the poets whose works I'm attacking
Know nothing of Nash, for their learning seems lacking,
But maybe I'm making quite awful assumptions -
Elitist and snobby and making presumptions.

[skordh.livejournal.com]

Children's writers that irritate me
unfairly perhaps because they are otherwise
often excellent, are ones that seem to be writing in prose
but then it seems from time to time
think 'why not incorporate a rhyme'!

I would not want to imply a general trend but
I have noticed that the most prominent example
of this possible partial writing failure
comes from Australia.

[ladyofastolat.livejournal.com]

It's strange how profound things suddenly seem
When laid out like a poem
Even if they are...
In prose.

How odd.

This is something I have noticed, too,
Although I did not notice the Antipodean connection.
Once I read a story out loud 11 times
And only realised that it was written in verse
On the twelfth rendition, when a small child
Said, "That rhymes!"
(I would say "Of the mouths of babes, etc."
Except that I think this was more an indictment of the
Quality of the verse than any profound wisdom.)

Some authors, though, are excellent,
Such as Julia Donaldson,
Whose verse is a joy to read.

[gramarye1971]

Nash, unlike most of these poets, was willing to risk unconventional rhymes
At certain times
To fit conventional pronounciation, as in 'daughter' and 'oughter'
(That is, if you accept that the sounds of American English do not equate to linguistic slaughter.)

[ladyofastolat.livejournal.com]

I think I should reply in rhyme,
But cannot manage it this time.


Er...

[philmophlegm.livejournal.com]

Here is I think a good example of the phenomenon you describe, taken from today's San Francisco Chronicle. It is referring to the Oakland Raiders hiring Tom Cable as their head coach.



"With the autumn wind comes the playoffs, and the Raiders are nowhere in sight.
Their fans are cold and tired, just another lonely Sunday night.
Their 40-oz. bottles are empty, tear stains and paint run down their face,
as the Raiders look at another year, mired again in last place!!!!"

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

You are the best writer I know (in person, at any rate!)

[kargicq.livejournal.com]

Although I see the point you're making,
Part of it is worth debating.
Scansion, it's true, is often poor
In the amateur poetry galore
That's found throughout the local press;
But rather like the urge to dress
In formal clothes that don't quite fit,
I don't see any harm in it.
At least the poet-wannabes
Find an opportunity to seize
Their pens, and turn their minds to verse!

A professional poet's case is worse,
Don't publishers have any say?
Or editors? Or maybe they
Simply don't care, as long as it sells,
Deaf to metrical readers' yells
Of protest. And is it really that hard
To write proper verse for a Greetings Card?