Villains and necklaces
May. 17th, 2012 08:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofastolatI have many pet irritations in movieland, that world where physical things work differently from how they work in real life. My current number one bugbear is the fact that in most movies, broken glass is no more dangerous than rose petals, in that heroes crash through windows and fall heavily onto the shards, then get up without a speck of blood, and huge expanses of glass explode and shower fragments all over crowds of innocents, without a single injury. Another longterm annoyance comes from the fact that head injuries almost invariably lead to a neat and silent tumble into instant blood-free unconciousness, with no apparent ill-effect afterwards.
By far the most trivial of these irritations, and thus one of the most irritating, is the way that movieland necklaces don't behave the same as real world necklaces. But, thinking about it, it's probably best that they don't.
"So, my pretty." The pirate captain grinned as he parted the lady's tightly wrapped furs, revealing the white skin of her throat. "No jewels, did you say? And yet you wear such pretty sapphires around your neck - such pretty, special sapphires." His fingers rose in a teasing tiptoe across the fur, then closed on the jewels. "My sapphires. Aarrrr!" he added.
The lady raised her chin. "My father--"
"Stole them from me," the captain said. "And now I reclaim my own." He gave the necklace a sharp tug. The lady's head jerked forward slightly. "My pretties," the captain said, "returned to me." The tug was sharper this time, dragging the lady's head with it. A sharp breath of pain escaped her lips. "And now," the captain said, quite loudly, "I take what is mine." Leaning close, he gripped her shoulder for leverage, tugging with the other hand as hard as he could. Her head snapped forward, striking him in the nose.
Behind him, in the doorway, someone sniggered.
"Aaaarrr!" the captain snarled, hoping that the sound was redolent more of fury and promised vengeance than of pain. Blood trickled into his mouth.
"That hurt," said the lady, and the captain nodded with feeling, pushing out his lower lip. Her hand rose, moving to rub the side of her neck. The captain stood up straighter, dashing away the blood with the back of a furious hand.
"The necklace is--" He broke off, disgusted by the taste of blood. He grimaced his disgust, licking his lips, trying to spit out the taste. "Mine," he snarled. "Turn round." He grabbed her by her shoulder and heaved her around, and held her there with one firm hand. The clasp was invisible, lost somewhere beneath the furred mantle. He clawed the mantle away one-handed, and kicked it away when it tried to tangle itself around his feet. Her disordered hair hung down in tendrils at the nape of her neck. "Um..." He swallowed; turned it hastily into an "Aaaarrr." Blood caught in his throat. His nose really hurt.
"Cap'n?" said a voice behind him. "Do you need--?"
"No, I do not need help!" he snapped. He had single-handedly defeated the Brothers of the Sea; he refused to be defeated by a simple necklace. "Run along now, rogue, and do something useful." He licked blood from his lips. "Avast, you scurvy dog!" he corrected himself. "Aaarrr!"
Footsteps sounded on wood, fading away to nothing. He and the lady were alone in the cabin. He cleared his throat. "Could you... uh, your hair?" He tightened his grip on her shoulder, promising violence if she refused.
He could see her breathing, shoulders heaving angrily, but at length she brought her hands up, lifting her hair from her neck. The clasp gleamed in the light of the covered lantern. He touched it, and she shivered. He picked it up, tried to unfasten it one-handed, but it caught behind his nail, and when he flinched in pain, it slithered away from him. Clearly the job needed two hands. He released his grip on her shoulder, and--
The lady twisted away from his, swift as a snake, and lashed towards him, her hair falling around her face. A hot flash of pain erupted in his side. "Hold my hair, you said," she cried, her breast heaving like a heroine on the stage. "You forgot that I'm wearing hair pins!" She brandished the pin in her hand, its point dripping blood. "Two inches in the right place is enough."
The captain backed away from her, until the door frame was at his back. "Fortunately," he gasped, "the right place... is damned difficult... to find." Blood oozed through his fingers. He would live, he thought. He looked at the pin, at the blood, at the sapphires... His sapphires.
"You know," he said wearily, letting out a slow breath. "Why don't you keep the damned things. They're only stones, after all. Just go. Get off my ship. Go."
He sank to the floor after she had passed him, her skirts brushing against his sore nose. In future, he thought, I think I'll stick with something nice and easy, like rings. What could possibly go wrong with a ring?
By far the most trivial of these irritations, and thus one of the most irritating, is the way that movieland necklaces don't behave the same as real world necklaces. But, thinking about it, it's probably best that they don't.
"So, my pretty." The pirate captain grinned as he parted the lady's tightly wrapped furs, revealing the white skin of her throat. "No jewels, did you say? And yet you wear such pretty sapphires around your neck - such pretty, special sapphires." His fingers rose in a teasing tiptoe across the fur, then closed on the jewels. "My sapphires. Aarrrr!" he added.
The lady raised her chin. "My father--"
"Stole them from me," the captain said. "And now I reclaim my own." He gave the necklace a sharp tug. The lady's head jerked forward slightly. "My pretties," the captain said, "returned to me." The tug was sharper this time, dragging the lady's head with it. A sharp breath of pain escaped her lips. "And now," the captain said, quite loudly, "I take what is mine." Leaning close, he gripped her shoulder for leverage, tugging with the other hand as hard as he could. Her head snapped forward, striking him in the nose.
Behind him, in the doorway, someone sniggered.
"Aaaarrr!" the captain snarled, hoping that the sound was redolent more of fury and promised vengeance than of pain. Blood trickled into his mouth.
"That hurt," said the lady, and the captain nodded with feeling, pushing out his lower lip. Her hand rose, moving to rub the side of her neck. The captain stood up straighter, dashing away the blood with the back of a furious hand.
"The necklace is--" He broke off, disgusted by the taste of blood. He grimaced his disgust, licking his lips, trying to spit out the taste. "Mine," he snarled. "Turn round." He grabbed her by her shoulder and heaved her around, and held her there with one firm hand. The clasp was invisible, lost somewhere beneath the furred mantle. He clawed the mantle away one-handed, and kicked it away when it tried to tangle itself around his feet. Her disordered hair hung down in tendrils at the nape of her neck. "Um..." He swallowed; turned it hastily into an "Aaaarrr." Blood caught in his throat. His nose really hurt.
"Cap'n?" said a voice behind him. "Do you need--?"
"No, I do not need help!" he snapped. He had single-handedly defeated the Brothers of the Sea; he refused to be defeated by a simple necklace. "Run along now, rogue, and do something useful." He licked blood from his lips. "Avast, you scurvy dog!" he corrected himself. "Aaarrr!"
Footsteps sounded on wood, fading away to nothing. He and the lady were alone in the cabin. He cleared his throat. "Could you... uh, your hair?" He tightened his grip on her shoulder, promising violence if she refused.
He could see her breathing, shoulders heaving angrily, but at length she brought her hands up, lifting her hair from her neck. The clasp gleamed in the light of the covered lantern. He touched it, and she shivered. He picked it up, tried to unfasten it one-handed, but it caught behind his nail, and when he flinched in pain, it slithered away from him. Clearly the job needed two hands. He released his grip on her shoulder, and--
The lady twisted away from his, swift as a snake, and lashed towards him, her hair falling around her face. A hot flash of pain erupted in his side. "Hold my hair, you said," she cried, her breast heaving like a heroine on the stage. "You forgot that I'm wearing hair pins!" She brandished the pin in her hand, its point dripping blood. "Two inches in the right place is enough."
The captain backed away from her, until the door frame was at his back. "Fortunately," he gasped, "the right place... is damned difficult... to find." Blood oozed through his fingers. He would live, he thought. He looked at the pin, at the blood, at the sapphires... His sapphires.
"You know," he said wearily, letting out a slow breath. "Why don't you keep the damned things. They're only stones, after all. Just go. Get off my ship. Go."
He sank to the floor after she had passed him, her skirts brushing against his sore nose. In future, he thought, I think I'll stick with something nice and easy, like rings. What could possibly go wrong with a ring?
