Barbie and the classics
Sep. 3rd, 2009 05:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofastolatI was ordering books today, and I came across one called Barbie and the Three Musketeers. I think a whole new genre needs to be opened up. No work of classic literature can remain unimproved by the addition of Barbie or one of her friends. What about Barbie Eyre, where Barbie, a stunning long-legged beauty, emerges from school with only a pink car and a bulging make-up bag to her name, and ends up transforming grumpy Mr Rochester, giving his gloomy house a gleaming pink makeover? Marvel as Barbie creates the My Little Pony of Troy, and later journeys for ten years in her quest for the perfect hair dye! Weep as Lady Barbie Macbeth wanders the halls of her fairytale castle, weeping at the thought of dirt on her slender perfumed hands!
Those after a shorter read can try Tolkien's grim little novella, Barbie of the Rings, in which Barbie throws away the One Ring in chapter two, on the grounds that its design is so last year, and is then torn to pieces by the Black Riders on their little ponies, who were drawn unerringly to her by her pink dress, which stood out like a sore thumb in the blasted wastes of Mordor.
Boys are not excluded from these revolutionary classics. Shakespeare's G.I. Joe: Prince of Denmark depicts G.I. Joe (or "Action Man", as he is called in the land of Shakespeare's birth) successfully killing his evil uncle after an action-packed five-act adventure of swimming crocodile-infested rivers, flying through the skies of Denmark with a jet-pack, and such like. His soliloquy "To ski or not to ski", in he which debates the manner of his approach on his uncle's chilly Danish castle, is justifiably famous.
Those after a shorter read can try Tolkien's grim little novella, Barbie of the Rings, in which Barbie throws away the One Ring in chapter two, on the grounds that its design is so last year, and is then torn to pieces by the Black Riders on their little ponies, who were drawn unerringly to her by her pink dress, which stood out like a sore thumb in the blasted wastes of Mordor.
Boys are not excluded from these revolutionary classics. Shakespeare's G.I. Joe: Prince of Denmark depicts G.I. Joe (or "Action Man", as he is called in the land of Shakespeare's birth) successfully killing his evil uncle after an action-packed five-act adventure of swimming crocodile-infested rivers, flying through the skies of Denmark with a jet-pack, and such like. His soliloquy "To ski or not to ski", in he which debates the manner of his approach on his uncle's chilly Danish castle, is justifiably famous.
