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Emergency Vectis!
Apr. 13th, 2014 09:08 amA few days ago, the front page of the online version of our local newspaper showed 6 or 7 main stories. These included:
- Fire engines raced to a house to deal with a small grill fire. It had been put out by the time they arrived.
- Fire engines raced to a house to deal with a small kitchen fire. By the time they got there, a neighbour had put it out.
- Fire engines raced to a public building because somebody had reported a smell of smoke in the vicinity of a beer cooler. They could not find anything wrong, and reported the building safe.
When we were very new on the island, I remember seeing an article that can be summarised as "small fire in pile of leaves in park put out with glass of water!" Then, of course, there was the notorious Sandwich Throwing Incident, which was the main headline on the front page. Somebody threw a sandwich at the MPs car, causing the MP to stop the car in the middle of town, leap out, and give chase, since it was "rather substantial egg sandwich."
I think somebody should make an emergency services TV series based around events like this. The important thing, though, is that it mustn't be played for laughs. Anyone can play something like this for laughs; that's easy. But what I want is a series done entirely straight faced, using all the dramatic music, dramatic cuts, and dramatic close-up shots of beads of sweat on tense firemen's brows. I want something that can get the viewers to actually care, and be on the edge of their seat as the intrepid fire crews race to get to the small fire in a pile of leaves that is threatening nobody. Will they get there in time? The camera shows an approaching jogger, a water bottle clutched in this hand. Will the jogger get there first? Oh, God, I can't bear the tension! I can't watch!
And the suspense! The cliffhangers! "We have recovered the sandwich, sir," says forensic person, in a solemn, portentous tone. "To be continued," appears on the screen, causing the forums to go WILD with speculation. Huge fandom wars will result between those who think it is OBVIOUSLY an egg sandwich, and those who still cling to the Ham Theory.
It needs to be done.
- Fire engines raced to a house to deal with a small grill fire. It had been put out by the time they arrived.
- Fire engines raced to a house to deal with a small kitchen fire. By the time they got there, a neighbour had put it out.
- Fire engines raced to a public building because somebody had reported a smell of smoke in the vicinity of a beer cooler. They could not find anything wrong, and reported the building safe.
When we were very new on the island, I remember seeing an article that can be summarised as "small fire in pile of leaves in park put out with glass of water!" Then, of course, there was the notorious Sandwich Throwing Incident, which was the main headline on the front page. Somebody threw a sandwich at the MPs car, causing the MP to stop the car in the middle of town, leap out, and give chase, since it was "rather substantial egg sandwich."
I think somebody should make an emergency services TV series based around events like this. The important thing, though, is that it mustn't be played for laughs. Anyone can play something like this for laughs; that's easy. But what I want is a series done entirely straight faced, using all the dramatic music, dramatic cuts, and dramatic close-up shots of beads of sweat on tense firemen's brows. I want something that can get the viewers to actually care, and be on the edge of their seat as the intrepid fire crews race to get to the small fire in a pile of leaves that is threatening nobody. Will they get there in time? The camera shows an approaching jogger, a water bottle clutched in this hand. Will the jogger get there first? Oh, God, I can't bear the tension! I can't watch!
And the suspense! The cliffhangers! "We have recovered the sandwich, sir," says forensic person, in a solemn, portentous tone. "To be continued," appears on the screen, causing the forums to go WILD with speculation. Huge fandom wars will result between those who think it is OBVIOUSLY an egg sandwich, and those who still cling to the Ham Theory.
It needs to be done.
