Nursery rhymes for today

While rooting around in a cupboard at work today (only two and half weeks to go until The Big Move - eek!) I found copies of a Rhyme Time leaflet I produced, but was never allowed to distribute, since a certain group complained. The reason they complained? Because the rhyme "Jelly on a plate" failed to promote healthy eating, and the horsey knee-bouncing rhyme might lead someone to bounce their baby too hard and break it.

I have spent the journey home trying to come up with nursery rhymes that do satisfy all these government initiatives for children's work, and that would meet today's stringent health and safety laws. Of course it goes without saying that they would all be non-sexist, non-racist, multicultural etc. etc.

Sadly, government targets are not compatible with a rhyme scheme or a metre (jargon and management speech being far more important than clarity of expression and poetry), but here goes. ( Nursery rhymes for the modern age )