Youth offending
Sep. 13th, 2007 02:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyofastolatIn a school staffroom today, I saw a notice on the wall that read something like this: "Do you know a young person who is on the brink of criminal activity? Contact the Youth Offending Co-ordinator…"
I can just imagine how the conversation would go:
A: I'm concerned about my little Johnny. I think he's on the brink of criminal activity.
B: What sort of criminal activity is he on the brink of?
A: Well, he's bought all these spray paints… And Miss Honey in year 1 always did say that his finger-painting was excellent. It's the one thing he's good at, actually.
B: Hmm… Graffiti…" *sounds disapproving.* Let me check my database. Hmm… *disapproval deepens* Where do you live?
A: Chigley
B: No, I'm afraid we have no need of more graffiti artists on Chigley. We have a shocking glut already – the whole place looks like an explosion in a paint factory. Now, if you'd said Camberwick Green … There's a real skills shortage of graffiti artists there. You can't move house to Camberwick Green?
A: No. My husband's job…
B: *sigh* Then we'll just have to reskill him. Let's see… There's a slight shortage of cat burglars in your area…
A: I'm not sure…
B: There's an vacancy available with immediate effect. The previous post-holder… dropped off, shall we say. We will, of course, provide on-the-job training, with the opportunity for accredited learning on a day-release basis – or should I say night-release, haha. There's a 20 week course that will give him an NVQ level 1 qualification. It's all fully modular. He could, if he wished, use the it as credits towards any future criminal qualification he wished to obtain – perhaps the level 4 qualification in serial killing, or the correspondence course in blackmail…
Plus, I've always wondered what's entailed in the job of "Teenage Pregnancy Co-ordinator"…
I can just imagine how the conversation would go:
A: I'm concerned about my little Johnny. I think he's on the brink of criminal activity.
B: What sort of criminal activity is he on the brink of?
A: Well, he's bought all these spray paints… And Miss Honey in year 1 always did say that his finger-painting was excellent. It's the one thing he's good at, actually.
B: Hmm… Graffiti…" *sounds disapproving.* Let me check my database. Hmm… *disapproval deepens* Where do you live?
A: Chigley
B: No, I'm afraid we have no need of more graffiti artists on Chigley. We have a shocking glut already – the whole place looks like an explosion in a paint factory. Now, if you'd said Camberwick Green … There's a real skills shortage of graffiti artists there. You can't move house to Camberwick Green?
A: No. My husband's job…
B: *sigh* Then we'll just have to reskill him. Let's see… There's a slight shortage of cat burglars in your area…
A: I'm not sure…
B: There's an vacancy available with immediate effect. The previous post-holder… dropped off, shall we say. We will, of course, provide on-the-job training, with the opportunity for accredited learning on a day-release basis – or should I say night-release, haha. There's a 20 week course that will give him an NVQ level 1 qualification. It's all fully modular. He could, if he wished, use the it as credits towards any future criminal qualification he wished to obtain – perhaps the level 4 qualification in serial killing, or the correspondence course in blackmail…
Plus, I've always wondered what's entailed in the job of "Teenage Pregnancy Co-ordinator"…
