Sadly, the Yule Log line appeared purely because I was struggling to find a rhyme for "pud" and the ferry had almost reached its destination.

Quite a few of the others are genuine, though. A colleague returned ashed-faced from a meeting of H&S reps, swearing, "I will never buy a real Christmas tree again!" The tinsel in the socket thing also came from him. "How often do you hear about people electrocuted by tinsel?" I asked him, but he didn't answer, being too busy panic-searching online for artificial trees.