Unjustified rants

[ladyofastolat]

What is an LJ for if not to launch totally unjustified rants about trivial things that really don't deserve your vitriol? My chosen target for today is umbrellas. Now, I'm sure that many people here are habitual umbrellas users, and many more dabble in the umbrella sub-culture every now and then, and yes, yes, I know: unreasonable, but I refer you back to the whole "trival things" and "really don't deserve vitriol" etc. etc., and I will rant away.

Umbrellas. I don't like using them. Within that simple construction of fabric and metal lurks a monster of extreme willfulness. Nothing delights this monster more than to buck and lash around, forcing the hapless person who wants to subdue it to fight it every step of the way. When it's mildly drizzling in a strong wind, I look out and watch hordes of people fighting an enormous battle to win one small foot of land at a time, and I think, "why bother?"

Most of all, though, I hate falling foul of other people's anti-social umbrella use. There you are, watching a nice joust or a ritual burning, when two drops of rain fall from the sky, and everyone on the front row immediately erects enormous umbrellas large enough to protect an army, totally heedless of the fact that no-one behind them can see a thing.

Then you have those people who put umbrellas up in crowded shopping streets, and charge ahead in their protective little bubble, not caring that they are leaving a train of people with poked-out eyes in their wake. Worst of all are those whose umbrellas are broken, due to the epic battles described above, so that they become a deadly aedifice of impaling spikes.

And then you have people who insist on sharing their umbrella with you - and, yes, yes, I know that they do so with the best of intentions, but when you genuinely say, "no, honestly, I'm fine, please, no, don't, please, please, no, anything but bring me within the deadly shadow of the deadly umbrella," they still do it, meaning that you have to walk with your neck at an angle of 45 degrees to avoid having a waterfall land on your head.

So I bring you umbrellas, subject of my unjustifed rant. Anyone else want to rant at an unjustified and trivial subject?

Comments

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

Nope, all my rants at the moment are major, and completely justified!

[segh.livejournal.com]

"Shut up, an umbrella is an unmanageable walking-stick; open, it is an inadequate tent." (Chesterton)
My mama always told me that it is unlucky to share an umbrella with somebody you've known for less than seven years - try that as a get-out.

[thecatsamuel.livejournal.com]

I once had a lovely umbrella with cute pictures of cats chasing mice all round the edge. But cannot have umbrellas as (like my gloves) I leave them behind on trains, buses, in shops &C and am better off with coat with hood. Currently my nice blue gloves are all alone on a train between Charing Cross and Tonbridge which is not relevant to umbrella hatred, but still annoying.

[phoebesmum.livejournal.com]

Shoelaces.

[philmophlegm.livejournal.com]

Coathangers.

(With you on the subject of umbrellas by the way.)

[sigisgrim.livejournal.com]

Umbrellas are awful things. *hates*

Hats, on the other hand, do pretty much all that umbrellas are supposed to do and more, and succeed where umbrellas fail. They can keep your head warm, for example, find an umbrella that can do that! (No, on second thoughts don't waste your time!)

[skordh.livejournal.com]

I want to rant unjustifiably about unjustifiable rants. Why oh why are we subjected to so many unjustifiable rants on LJ? What we need are more well-researched, peer-reviewed, justifiable rants! Down with the unjustifiable rants! According to a recent study, over 95% of them are completely evidence-free while the other 5% make use of spurious facts that are just made up on the spot. Ban the lot!